Wow, I am so busy. And yet, I am dying of boredom. I guess I have a lot of stuff I can do, just most of it is just busy work to try to get me through these next few months before school starts again.
Just finished with the fourth of July, that was a fun day. I got to hang out with my cousins, and had a barbecue... the fireworks weren't that great, but it was fun anyways. I also had a root-beer float, hmm hm.
I did a little bit more with my website this past weekend, I fixed my homepage (it doens't look like a fifth grader did it anymore, yay!), and I added a few little things... added a stylesheet or two, and bam! it's almost a differant website. I was also talked into adding a page for fractals, and I added links for that, but haven't been able to build one yet. All I have left to do is to fix my SUU, and Cedar City pages and add a fractals page, and my website will be completly remodelled. Yay!
Dance practice has just about killed me, I'm so sore, and I haven't even been practicing as much as I would have liked. Well, one of these days I'll be in shape.
That's all that I can think of that has happened in the past little while, now i'm going to go get some sleep.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
To Be Or Not To Be
Wow, it's been a while since I've been on here... A lot has happenend, and at the same time, not too much. I've just been hanging out in Vernal, not too much fun. Not as bad as I had expected, but still not so much fun. For the most part I'm just really bored. I've not as many friends here as I have in Cedar, and--contrary to what I had been told--there are no ballroom dance lessons here, which means no practice. Well, I could practice but only if I could find a dance partner. Hm... something I might have to look into.
I have found a lot of things here that I had put away into storage. One of them is my color gameboy, yep that's right, and in working condition as well. Unfortunatly I have sold all my games that work for it because I had thought I had gotten rid of it. I also found my pocket watch (needs batteries, but still...), and a binder that I had had in high school with some interesting ideas for web-design I used in my "web-design" class. To be honest, it was pretty much an advanced computer class and I had the opportunity to study what I wanted, which was web-design, so I had to find the curriculum myself. It wasn't very easy, but I think it paid off in the end. Everything I've done with my website I had to teach myself (except for the <html> tag and a few other simple tags). Anyways, I dug it out and did some editing on my website (the writing pages), and later I will be working on the rest of it (when I get motivated and a minute to work on it). What was in the binder was information on cascading style sheets, from "yourhtmlsource.com" which is a very good website I might add. Also, for anyone interested, I found that using PSPad editor for a html environment works rather well, along with Topstyle Lite, which is an environment designed specifically for CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), both are freeware.
I'm thinking this week I'm going to try to have a ballroom dance thing happen at the park, this thursday to be exact. The only problem is I don't know who is in town and who would be interested in ballroom dancing, so thus is the problem. At the park, the pavillions are designed wiht lights and outlets--that work if you know what you're doing--and i have some ballroom dance music, and a way to play it loud enough for the pavillion. I just lack people.
I now have a job at UELS, i've been working there--again--now for about two weeks. It's in the office, so it's not too bad. Monday through Friday, eight to five. Scanning files is actually what I'm doing. It gives me a lot of time to think... perhaps a little too much time some days. Anyways, that's mostly what has been going on in my life. Now I've got to go and fill out the FAFSA, yuck.
I have found a lot of things here that I had put away into storage. One of them is my color gameboy, yep that's right, and in working condition as well. Unfortunatly I have sold all my games that work for it because I had thought I had gotten rid of it. I also found my pocket watch (needs batteries, but still...), and a binder that I had had in high school with some interesting ideas for web-design I used in my "web-design" class. To be honest, it was pretty much an advanced computer class and I had the opportunity to study what I wanted, which was web-design, so I had to find the curriculum myself. It wasn't very easy, but I think it paid off in the end. Everything I've done with my website I had to teach myself (except for the <html> tag and a few other simple tags). Anyways, I dug it out and did some editing on my website (the writing pages), and later I will be working on the rest of it (when I get motivated and a minute to work on it). What was in the binder was information on cascading style sheets, from "yourhtmlsource.com" which is a very good website I might add. Also, for anyone interested, I found that using PSPad editor for a html environment works rather well, along with Topstyle Lite, which is an environment designed specifically for CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), both are freeware.
I'm thinking this week I'm going to try to have a ballroom dance thing happen at the park, this thursday to be exact. The only problem is I don't know who is in town and who would be interested in ballroom dancing, so thus is the problem. At the park, the pavillions are designed wiht lights and outlets--that work if you know what you're doing--and i have some ballroom dance music, and a way to play it loud enough for the pavillion. I just lack people.
I now have a job at UELS, i've been working there--again--now for about two weeks. It's in the office, so it's not too bad. Monday through Friday, eight to five. Scanning files is actually what I'm doing. It gives me a lot of time to think... perhaps a little too much time some days. Anyways, that's mostly what has been going on in my life. Now I've got to go and fill out the FAFSA, yuck.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Coming Full Circle
I've thought about life in this way before, how time seems to be one large circle that I just travel in, going around and around, the same things happening again and again. Just recently I've switched rooms in my apartment (again), and I've realized that I'm sleeping in the same room, on the same bed even, that I was in when I first came to Cedar. The very same one. I'm also re-experiencing the joys and sorrows I've had when I first moved here, though the joys are greater and the sorrows are less.
I've pondered on time and life, and thinking about it, I don't think Time is circular at all... but in the form of a sine wave. (Yes, I had to sneak math in here somehow). Anyways, Time seems to be taking the same turns, but that's because it keeps moving on and on, in the likeness of a circle, but not a circle.
Anyhow, although I've figured some things out, some things are not very easy. I'm coming to grips with life as I see it, and that is not very easy. I've also have some complex situations that I am now faced with, including trying to figure out Linux, and some other things which are pressing hard on my mind. Maybe someday I will be able to figure this out, but it won't be anytime soon.
Well, there's no time for stressing or thinking now, I have some papers to write, so I'll try to figure it out by and by.
I've pondered on time and life, and thinking about it, I don't think Time is circular at all... but in the form of a sine wave. (Yes, I had to sneak math in here somehow). Anyways, Time seems to be taking the same turns, but that's because it keeps moving on and on, in the likeness of a circle, but not a circle.
Anyhow, although I've figured some things out, some things are not very easy. I'm coming to grips with life as I see it, and that is not very easy. I've also have some complex situations that I am now faced with, including trying to figure out Linux, and some other things which are pressing hard on my mind. Maybe someday I will be able to figure this out, but it won't be anytime soon.
Well, there's no time for stressing or thinking now, I have some papers to write, so I'll try to figure it out by and by.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Echoes of the Past, Reflections of the Future
Well, today has been allright, I'm now only about 100 pages behind in my Literature class, and I've a million things to do, but I'm allright. You know, I've noticed some things about how life goes, and I think I'm going to share a little of my personal experience here. Why? I don't know, just because I think perhaps someone would be able to learn from my mistakes.
I've had a lot of time to do some personal reflections on my past. How life was in High School, and before I moved to Cedar City. I've had a whole lot of things to think about from then, and most of the time, I didn't want to. But the more I think about it, the easier it is to let it go, and to realize what was happening back then.
I warn anyone reading this that this is my story, and that it is complete from my perspective. That anyone who loves Vernal and/or High School had better stop reading this entry right now, because I'm not holding back my feelings, and it will be easy to become offended if you do not stop reading right now.
Vernal is a place in my mind that will always be one of the worst places in the world. I hate it, and it hates me. From High School--and even before--I was a prisoner there. High school for me was full of many people, most of them fake, just trying to be the most popular or the prettiest or the coolest. No one understood what it meant to live--myself included. I fell prey to the constant suggestion of that accursed place that I was worth nothing, that life was meaningless for me. And what did it accomplish? At that time I had a deathwish, because I was not strong enough to realize that the constant suggestions and assault of words were of ideals that are nothing but the constant struggle and want of power over others. And no one was there to pull me out, at least not for a long time, not until it was almost too late.
Coming to Cedar I was running form the past. It seems to be a fact of life that you cannot run from your problems, and expect them to go away. They always come back with a vengance. And so it was for me. The echoes of the past I thought I had escaped threatened my life a second time. Well, I was smarter then, and more experianced, and I realized--though unable to cast off those weighted chains of thought--that they were not right, it was not how the world worked, there was something about those accusations of worthlessness that didn't ring true. So I sought help, and found my way back. I still struggle with the echoes of the past, they still haunt me at times and threaten my peace, but they aren't nearly as strong or influential as they once were.
I now have the life I've always wanted, and I am happy and satisfied with life for the most part. I find that the feelings of freedom I fealt before the past caught me the second time, are the very feelings I have now, but nearing ten fold the potency. To me, Vernal is Hell, and Cedar City is salvation. I have found that you choose your future, and I have chosen mine.
This experience for me has had several effects. Cedar City has become my home, though I choose my words carefully in mixed company. (I've offended several people already, without even trying). I have also grown a hatred for Vernal that I don't think will ever go away. There is also an effect form this experience that I'm not sure what to do with. Every once in a while, especially on sites such as facebook or myspace where the faces of the past confront me, I'll find a torrent and whirlwind of emotions battling for attention in my head. Needless to say the echoes of the past return at full effect (or what is now full effect of those feelings that are still left), and I found myself staring at those pictures with a kind of hatred. Not to say that I hate those people, but I think that my hatred of Vernal has began to leak into everything in my mind associated with Vernal. I do not hate them--most of them--but I find it diffucult to seperate my feelings of Vernal from them. I apalogize to any of those from Vernal who are reading this. It is something I may struggle with for the rest of my life. I do not mean it personally. Time heals all wounds, so it has been said. I'm not sure I believe this statement is completely correct, but it does have some merrit. With time these feelings of hatred may lesten, and perhaps eventually I will only think of the city of Vernal alone with those feelings and not the collective of everything associated with it. But for now the echoes of the past cause me to look at some with feelings of utter contempt. We shall se how this summer goes, since I will be returning to that accursed place. Perhaps that will help me through these feelings and allow me to finally lay at rest the past, and leave nothing but hope of the brightest future.
I've had a lot of time to do some personal reflections on my past. How life was in High School, and before I moved to Cedar City. I've had a whole lot of things to think about from then, and most of the time, I didn't want to. But the more I think about it, the easier it is to let it go, and to realize what was happening back then.
I warn anyone reading this that this is my story, and that it is complete from my perspective. That anyone who loves Vernal and/or High School had better stop reading this entry right now, because I'm not holding back my feelings, and it will be easy to become offended if you do not stop reading right now.
Vernal is a place in my mind that will always be one of the worst places in the world. I hate it, and it hates me. From High School--and even before--I was a prisoner there. High school for me was full of many people, most of them fake, just trying to be the most popular or the prettiest or the coolest. No one understood what it meant to live--myself included. I fell prey to the constant suggestion of that accursed place that I was worth nothing, that life was meaningless for me. And what did it accomplish? At that time I had a deathwish, because I was not strong enough to realize that the constant suggestions and assault of words were of ideals that are nothing but the constant struggle and want of power over others. And no one was there to pull me out, at least not for a long time, not until it was almost too late.
Coming to Cedar I was running form the past. It seems to be a fact of life that you cannot run from your problems, and expect them to go away. They always come back with a vengance. And so it was for me. The echoes of the past I thought I had escaped threatened my life a second time. Well, I was smarter then, and more experianced, and I realized--though unable to cast off those weighted chains of thought--that they were not right, it was not how the world worked, there was something about those accusations of worthlessness that didn't ring true. So I sought help, and found my way back. I still struggle with the echoes of the past, they still haunt me at times and threaten my peace, but they aren't nearly as strong or influential as they once were.
I now have the life I've always wanted, and I am happy and satisfied with life for the most part. I find that the feelings of freedom I fealt before the past caught me the second time, are the very feelings I have now, but nearing ten fold the potency. To me, Vernal is Hell, and Cedar City is salvation. I have found that you choose your future, and I have chosen mine.
This experience for me has had several effects. Cedar City has become my home, though I choose my words carefully in mixed company. (I've offended several people already, without even trying). I have also grown a hatred for Vernal that I don't think will ever go away. There is also an effect form this experience that I'm not sure what to do with. Every once in a while, especially on sites such as facebook or myspace where the faces of the past confront me, I'll find a torrent and whirlwind of emotions battling for attention in my head. Needless to say the echoes of the past return at full effect (or what is now full effect of those feelings that are still left), and I found myself staring at those pictures with a kind of hatred. Not to say that I hate those people, but I think that my hatred of Vernal has began to leak into everything in my mind associated with Vernal. I do not hate them--most of them--but I find it diffucult to seperate my feelings of Vernal from them. I apalogize to any of those from Vernal who are reading this. It is something I may struggle with for the rest of my life. I do not mean it personally. Time heals all wounds, so it has been said. I'm not sure I believe this statement is completely correct, but it does have some merrit. With time these feelings of hatred may lesten, and perhaps eventually I will only think of the city of Vernal alone with those feelings and not the collective of everything associated with it. But for now the echoes of the past cause me to look at some with feelings of utter contempt. We shall se how this summer goes, since I will be returning to that accursed place. Perhaps that will help me through these feelings and allow me to finally lay at rest the past, and leave nothing but hope of the brightest future.
Friday, February 29, 2008
What the heck is going on anyways?
Well, today was a fairly good day. Well, sort of. Life sometimes comes at you fast, and oh man, has life came at me fast! I've been trying to catch up in all my classes (almost have now, except for literature, i feel very very behind in that). Now all I have to do is just wait until next week comes so I can see what else I have to do in my classes. I'm also behind in meditation. We are studying Tai Chi now, and I haven't been able to practice, because I was sick all last week from sunday through sunday. I'm still sick, I feel 10x better than I did, but I'm still sick. So I haven't been able to practice that either. I'm also hoping that in ballroom dance we get things started, so I can start practicing with my partner. We are doing the Cha Cha now, and that's one of my favorite dances, I just realized I'm going to be behind in that too, because they will be taking things from the routine from the technique class--which I'm not in because no one told me I needed it.... I would have taken it too, but guess what, it's too late now.
Anyways, besides all of this, I'm still having a really great day. It's kinda wierd. I'm going to be getting a new job soon (hopefully if things go allright), and I'm also getting quite a bit of taxes back as well (hopefully that will come in soon enough). I think that's about everything that I want to say right now, so I'll just leave it at that.
Anyways, besides all of this, I'm still having a really great day. It's kinda wierd. I'm going to be getting a new job soon (hopefully if things go allright), and I'm also getting quite a bit of taxes back as well (hopefully that will come in soon enough). I think that's about everything that I want to say right now, so I'll just leave it at that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)