Questioning Defines my Life (currently and forever)

What a curious and strange world we live in. It seems that just as soon as I think I have something figured out, there is something that happens or shows up in my world to prove to me just that simple fact that i do not have it all figured out. And it's amazing that it never repeats itself. The learning cycle more resembles the Chaos theory (if my understanding of such is correct) that things in general are never repeated the same twice, and that such small and seemingly insignificant things could have changed history, and will shape the future. Well, perhaps that is probably too broad a statement for what I meant, i simply mean to suggest that I never cease to be amazed at the broad spectrum of the differant situations that become learning curves in my life, some of them very small, while others are completely life changing (in the fact that they completely shake the foundations i have come to define my life by).

In UNIV 1000 (as useless as I thought the class was--don't get me wrong, there were good ideas, just not ideas that could be forced on anyone that wasn't listening or paying attention to what life has to offer) we learned the importance of language and finding root or base words in the language we use in our everyday life. What I took from that particular lesson is that the word Questioning is not exactly what I had taken it to be at first glance. Alllow me to break it down... this is how I do it (not sure if there is another way to break it down, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if there was) Quest / -ion / -ing. I will assume the definition of Quest to mean a journey to bring about a certain or specific result. The suffix -ion means to be in a state of (at least, in this context), and the suffix -ing puts the word in present tense (at least, again, in the context I will use it). Therefore, my life right now can be summed up with one word: Questioning. I am in the present state of journeying to bring about a specific result... and, for the most part, my quest (journey) is to better myself and my life (and in turn the lives of those people whom I can help out). And in a smaller part, I quest to approach (as closely as possible, since i'm not sure it can be achieved to completeness in this life) self-actualization, and to learn the nature of the universe in which I live. I believe this to be a worthy quest for a lifetime (since it will take me a lifetime) and it is currently what i am doing (although, since I am still young and not quite the master of my mind yet, it is something I don't always actively work towards).

I have recently (as in the past three days) driven in a car from Vernal, Utah, to St. Loius, Missouri. If anything this trip has taught me that I haven't completely applied all the life-lessons I have learned up to this point, and that is something that I am going to have to work on. What is the point of a life-lesson, if it is not applied to the overall betterment of one's self, or one's society? And that is probably what has been the most frustrating of all the things I've realized lately. It seems I have to take more time to reflect on what it is that I want from life, and what exactly it is that I am doing now... or in other words, how are my actions progressing towards, or degressing from, what it is that I want. Along with that, I have to take more time to put action behind my thoughts, because that is part of my quest of self-actualization as well, for I believe that someone is as much of who they make themselves to be through their actions as it is who they were born as. I can attest from personal experience that this is the case, or at least has been for my life.

I am also amazed at time, what an illusion we have created for ourselves. When it comes down to it (and I don't have the patience at this time--no pun intended--to explain what I mean) time is simply the measure of where the earth is in relation to the sun (both by which part of the earth faces the sun, and where the earth is in it's roational course around the sun). I think that we as a society worry too much about time (which doesn't even exist) and not enough about things that are really important... and just to mention it, I mean myself as well, and not just society, for I am guilty of the very same thing. I think I'm writing this down to first remind myself of this fact, and second, to remind anyone reading this, that "time" isn't the important thing to worry about. We just don't have the time to worry about time. It's a fact of life that each of us only has a certain amount of time (a certain number of rotations around the sun) in which we will be on this particular plane of existance (and I don't have the patience to explain my views on that yet, either), and that time is precious in that it will never be regained. Once any decision or action (or in-action) is made, it becomes the past, and unable to be re-made. That is the important thing to consider. And I guess if there is any point to this last rant on time, it is simply this: A person only lives once, and it is to their best advantage to take from each opportunity everything that can possibly be taken, and to live life to the fullest, because anything short of this is not a life that was lived to its fullest.

Finals Week and Counting

Wow, what a day today has been... I'm still trying to catch my breath from it. This week is finals week, and I don't have any finals until Thursday. One from 9 to 11 am, one from 11 am to 1 pm, and one from 1 to 3 pm. And then on Friday I have a final from 9 to 11 am. I think I'm going to do fairly well on most of those, I am worried about UNIV 1000 though, that one is going to be very interesting indeed. Although I did finish everything I was supposed to (i think), so I'm hoping that it will go well.

Also, I am still trying to decide what i should do for a major, or for a career as well... it's a difficult thing, and I'm not sure that I will have any idea anytime soon. But I hope that will come soon enough. I did help to fix someone's computer today, and that was a lot of fun, so perhaps that is what i should do. But at the same time, I would find it almost unbearable to be staring at a computer screen for forty hours a week, so we'll just have to see what happens. But I am very satisfied with the way that life has been going for me lately... It's been the best time in my whole life so far, and lately there isn't any hint of change in the air. I'm lovin' life.